And here my thoughts wander

It pleases me to  report that our house is nearing completion. I never thought I would say this, but  I am suffering from mixed feelings. As I type right now, I am in our little rental house. It's small, but cozy and the kids are never out of whispering distance. Now, please don't mistake my apprehensive thoughts for not being super stoked... I am  very excited to reap the rewards of all our hard work. We have been looking so forward to this moment... But I am a bit  nervous, nonetheless. Our new house is bigger than we are use to and my bedroom seems like miles away from the children...  What if one of them has a bad dream? What if they get scared? What if they need me at night? Not to mention in our current rental home there are only two ways in and two ways out. So I feel very secure at night. In the new house, there are eight ways in and eight ways out. That is quite bewildering for someone who suffers from, sometimes very severe, OCD. Even though we have purchased a very high tech security system, I will still be checking  the locks on all eight doors every ten minutes.
WARNING: I interrupt this post for a painful flashback...

When I was little, I grew up in a very large home. It was beautiful, bright and full of life. A perfect place for five kids to run around and cause all sorts of calamities. But night time was a different story. It was dark and I was alone. The worse part about the night would be when I would have to go potty, that's when the real  panic would set in. The first task I would have to face would be jumping far enough away from under my bed so no one hiding under there could grab my feet. Then having to sprint down a ten mile hall was nothing short of horrifying. Not to mention all the closets I had to pass that were satiated with evil clowns and monsters. It was enough to draw any small girl to tears on a nightly basis.The most scary part of all this? I was so far away from everyone else, I could have been eaten alive, ripped apart limb by limb, rendering me completely useless to stand any kind of a chance... and no one would have ever heard me screaming. They would  just have to discover  the wreckage of my marred body desisting  in that olympic size  hall.

The only thing more bloodcurdling than the bathroom trips? The night my parents went out on a date and the power went out.

I swore then I would never make my own children live in such conditions. Of course, our new  house isn't nearly as big as my childhood house... still, their bedrooms are so far away... from me. What will I, I mean, they do at night if they become affrighted?

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