Tales from the UC

 Dads are the Original Hipsters

My new favorite blog.
Do yourself a favor and read all 14 pages. It has only been around since January, so get on top and stay on top. This guy nails it... Kinda like your dad nails your mom. (Too much? Sorry, I got carried away.) 

Let's just remember to thank our parents for being cool well before we ever were.

** It is a tad irreverent, so read at your own risk**

Your dad wore Chuck Taylors before you did. Those were his “Just do it” shoes. He could ran faster, jump higher and ride your mom longer because of them. The only training you hipsters have done in those shoes are Natural Spirit chain smoking marathons and smug bike rides to dive bars. I wish time travel was real, just so your dad could kick your own ass for wearing the shoes that he made a legend.

Your dad drove a Volvo before you did. When he pulled that car off the lot it was brand new, untouched, just like your mom when they started dating. He went everywhere in that car. It crossed the country and got steamy at the local drive in. He loved that car, sometimes more than you. But you took that love away from him when you turned 16. You jumped behind the wheel with a shit eating grin and drove away. You’re probably 27 now and still driving the same Volvo, so next time you take a spin in that car I want you to remember this, there’s about a 99% chance your dad saw his first naked girl, lost his virginity and conceived you within the 4 boxy walls of that car. It might be time to get the interior detailed.

Your dad wore short shorts before you did and he has the upper thigh tan lines to prove it. It takes a certain kind of man to pull off wearing what most would consider lady attire, but your dad was that man. He walked around with the kind of confidence that said he could properly sex any women, mollywhop any man and escape any law. People today call it swag, but your dad didn’t need a name for it because he had it everyday.
So hipsters, next time you’re cutting a pair of Dickies off to mid thigh so that you can ride your fixie without catching your shorts on your knees, remember this…
If you live to be half the man that your dad was, you’ll still be a disappointment, but at least you’re trying not to suck… which is a start, because you suck right now.

Your dad played April fools day jokes before you did. Have you ever wondered why your mom worries so much about your safety and well being? It’s because your dad didn’t give a f**k about it. He would have you sit under the kitchen sink next to the bleach until your mom would swing the cabinet door open. You two made a killer pair, mainly because you were small, fit into tight spaces, listened to him, and he didn’t care about you. So hipsters, today when you’re shaking your friends can of PBR up or swapping out a roommate’s Tom’s with tooth dye, remember this…
Your dad invented pranks, he’s the God Father, the alpha and omega, the Don Juan of foolery and you’re just clown shoes.